Lesson 140: How to meet/pick up someone
TV Series: Star Trek - The Next Generation
Season/Episode: 3/6 ('Booby Trap')


While sitting in the ship's lounge, LaForge is lamenting his dating woes with his friend, the female bartender Guinan.

LaForge, wanting to better understand the reason for his failures with women, asks Guinan for the female point of view.

LaForge explains that he can field strip a reactor, but just can't seem to make anything work with a girl. He just doesn't know what to do or what to say. He just can't seem to talk with women, no matter how hard he tries.

Guinan tells LaForge that he is doing just fine talking with her now. LaForge says this is a different situation, in that he is not trying with her.

Guinan smiles and answers 'Exactly my point.'


Why do we always manage to make something so simple, so very difficult?

When approaching a stranger, if we just act naturally and be ourselves, then we have nothing to hide, nothing to justify, and nothing to fake.

This way we eliminate not only the time wasted in playing coy and manipulative games, but we also reduce the emotional stress factor down to almost nothing.

If we find ourselves attracted to someone new, then we should introduce ourselves personally; of course, the preferred method is to always be introduced by someone else.

After the introduction, we should let them know, gradually and gently through our words and actions that we are attracted to them. If the feelings are not reciprocated, then, after expending a reasonable amount of effort, we should always back-off.

Breaking through the ice of the initial introduction is the real life fear of most people, which is usually intensified by the presumption of rejection. Unfortunately, the fear is always self-imposed and never really necessary.

Where there is free-will, there will always be the chance of rejection. As surely as we each reject the advances of others whom we do not particularly like, should we not expect others whom we may like to reject us also accordingly?

We should never let the fear of rejection dissuade us from approaching others to whom we are attracted. Only by inquiring do we find out if the attraction is mutual.

By just being ourselves and not pretending to be that which we are not, and especially not trying so hard, do we understand Guinan's advice and stand any chance of success in our quest.

The answer is quite really so simple - don't try, just be!

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